Any Given Sunday
by TaleWeaver
Summary: On any given Sunday in Atlantis, one of several things tend to happen to Elizabeth and John but THIS Sunday, all of them are! now AU, written for the SheppardWeir ficathon


TITLE: Any Given Sunday

AUTHOR: TaleWeaver

DISCLAIMER: Not mine. No sue.

FANDOM: Stargate: Atlantis

RATING / CONTENT: PG. Swearing, sexual innuendo and… I couldn't think of a good 's' word meaning 'explosion'.

SPOILERS: Current eps; inspired by the episode description for 'Sunday'.

SUMMARY: On any given Sunday in Atlantis, one of several things tend to happen to John and Elizabeth, but this Sunday, all of them are! For the Sheppard/Weir ficathon.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: You will be writing for: atomicpagan

Request: Include 4 of the following 6 things: A Carter cameo, fire, a black eye, a rabbit, Weir's favourite book (although I cheated a little on that one), Sheppard's favourite cartoon. Spoilers: anything

AUTHOR'S NOTES THE SEQUEL: Many thanks to anr, who not only offered to beta this, but let me put it in late. She can also testify that I sent this in for beta in December – any similarities to the actual episode are coincidental.

1. Elizabeth doesn't get to sleep in

For the thousandth time, Elizabeth wondered why the 'alert' signal on her headset was so fucking annoying. The further it was away from her ear, the more annoying she found it – which was the real reason she wore it so frequently, regardless of John's jokes about addiction and surgical implantation.

Sunday was the one day of the week that she got to sleep in until 8am. So why couldn't the so-called professionals she worked with cope without her for another three hours?

Cursing in three different languages, Elizabeth stumbled into her clothing - putting on her pants inside out and thus having to take off her boots to turn them right side and replace them – and out the door.

2. Rodney and a not so random explosion

"John," came the snarl over his headset, "Why the hell is Rodney in a lab on a Sunday, when the Daedalus – and Cadman – are in town?"

John winced. This was very bad. It was going to get worse.

Elizabeth didn't snarl very often, but when she did? It usually meant that she hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before. For someone who regularly coped on five hours a night, this meant she'd probably been up until 3am finishing paperwork again.

This was all his fault. And he was going to pay.

If things hadn't gone sideways on the last mission, there wouldn't be so much paperwork, therefore Elizabeth wouldn't be so tired. Carson was going to be threatening to put her on medical leave again, which meant that he'd be doing the paperwork instead. That was all bad enough.

But then Rodney had to go to a lab with Laura Cadman.

Against all reasonable expectations, after the thing with the virus and the Stargate and Caldwell being taken over by a Gou'ald, Rodney and Cadman had gone from creeping each other out to bonding like superglue. Given that Rodney had the destructive impulses of a DC comics villain – purely in the name of scientific explanation – and Cadman was the Daedalus' resident genius at blowing shit up, it was no wonder that in certain circles of Atlantis they were known as 'the Boom Boom twins'. 'Boom' and 'Ka-Boom' individually.

John followed the trail of smoke and people complaining about it, to one of the west wing labs. Damnit, this is where they'd earned the nickname in the first place, after they'd literally rocked the house for about three floors as they managed to destroy what turned out to be a ten thousand year old fax machine.

That was also the incident where Elizabeth had quietly instated the rule that when the Daedalus was in port, Cadman and Rodney were to be followed by a security detail whenever they were within twenty feet of each other. John himself had ordered the rider that on Sundays – when Elizabeth allowed herself a regular human's allowance of sleep – that Rodney and Cadman weren't supposed to be within twenty feet of each other at all. He'd even got Caldwell to approve the plan, including the emergency calling-back-Cadman-to-the-ship manoeuvre.

He was going to kill Rodney for this. Or get Zelenka to fix the PA to pipe early Britney Spears through his quarters.

But it was all going to be his fault in the end.

Elizabeth was already there, (and how did she get there before him? Sometimes John wondered if Atlantis liked her better than him) reading the riot act to the two of them in the corridor, as the safety crews were putting out the fire that had consumed most of the lab. Honestly, Elizabeth had made chewing out into an art form. If he weren't the next in line, John would be aching for popcorn.

"Who the hell do you think you are? Pinky and the Brain?"

Cadman looked insulted by this – she'd obviously worked out which one she was supposed to be – but before she could open her mouth, she took a good look at Elizabeth, and decided not to wind up a smoking hole in the floor today.

"Well, I saw Baron Greenback – " Rodney took a look at Elizabeth's face, and was actually struck speechless.

John frantically checked for escape routes, and grimaced against the sinking sensation of impending doom. Hell, this really was his fault.

"Baron Greenback?" Elizabeth asked quietly. The sort of quiet you get in the wake of a bomb being dropped. "I wouldn't have thought you to be the type to appreciate British cartoons, Rodney, especially 'Danger Mouse'. In fact, I can only think of one person in Atlantis who has DVD's of the show."

She slowly turned to face John.

3. Visiting a member of SGA-1 in medbay

"So, Colonel Sheppard will not be joining me here?" Teyla asked.

"I seriously considered it," Elizabeth admitted. "But then, Cadman at least should know better – she may not be 'a highly trained genius' but she does know enough basic science to realize that trying an experiment based on a cartoon is – god, I still can't believe they were that stupid!"

Elizabeth wound up pacing the floor again in exasperation, while Teyla watched patiently. Even though Teyla must have been incredibly bored with hearing her vent, the serene look on her face hadn't faltered through the past half hour. Not to mention, being confined to bed with a broken ankle – mostly because Carson didn't trust her to stay off her feet until it healed properly – must have been incredibly frustrating for the usually active woman.

Teyla smiled again, the effect spoiled only a little by the black eye she'd gained at the same time.

"Are you truly so angry with him, then?"

Elizabeth slumped into Teyla's bedside chair and sighed explosively, finally releasing the last of her anger in a gust. "Not really. I never can stay mad at him for very long. It's very aggravating sometimes."

At least John hadn't made the mistake of saying that Rodney was a grown man and should be capable of sorting fact from fiction. He'd tried that once, and Elizabeth had given him exactly the response that comment had deserved.

"I am sure that Colonel Sheppard will be most eager to make amends with you, and will do anything you require to earn your forgiveness."

Elizabeth's eyes narrowed as she gave Teyla a sideways look of suspicion, but Teyla's face was as smiling and bland as ever. That was very aggravating sometimes, too.

4. Elizabeth goes to bed early

After checking with Teyla, John had been somewhat relieved. She'd informed him that Elizabeth had gone off on one of her rare sulking binges – although what Elizabeth whimsically referred to as 'sulking', he would have called 'taking some time to herself for a damn change'. After checking with the kitchen, he found that Elizabeth had taken a decent size picnic with her, so that let him off the hook with Carson. Checking his quarters, he found she'd stolen back the omnibus edition of the fourth, fifth and sixth books of The Dresden Files.

Elizabeth eating and reading on a secluded balcony meant that she'd be a lot calmer by the time she got back. Hopefully, her mad-on at him wouldn't last too long.

But just in case, he was prepared for a stage five grovel.

When Elizabeth returned to her quarters at sunset, he was sitting on the end of her bed, barefoot and stripped to a single T-shirt and pants.

"A little presumptuous, aren't you?" she asked.

Well, she was doing the killer single-raised-eyebrow, which tended to nail him to the floor, but her voice was dryly amused instead of freezing, so it looked like a few hours hanging with Harry Dresden had done most of the work for him.

"Presumptuous would be waiting in my boxers," he replied. Giving a grin would be pushing it at this point.

"Good point," Elizabeth acknowledged, moving towards him, dropping the book on her desk.

"So, how mad are you?" John asked, not without trepidation.

Elizabeth stood with a foot on either side of his legs, and crossed her arms over her chest. "Not very. I was going to punish you severely for being stupid enough to show those DVD's to Rodney, but then I realized that given how badly things always ended up for Greenback in the show, even Rodney should have known better." Unfolding her arms and placing her hands on his shoulders, she added, "This doesn't mean that you get out of begging me for forgiveness, however."

John lifted up the hem of her shirt, and started to trail kisses over her midriff. "Oh great and exalted leader of mine," having reached the bottom of her bra, he removed her shirt, before pulling her down gently to straddle his lap, "oh wondrous and cherished beloved," kissing his way up her throat – he knew she loved that – he rocked his hips up, subtly grinding his pelvis against hers, "how may I appease your wrath, and be given the balm of your absolution?"

"Three orgasms. Minimum," Elizabeth demanded.

"Done," John declared with relief, and bent to his task.

FIN


End file.
